Just a little something I thought of this morning and thought it was funny. Hope you find it amusing too. – Chris
Tom walked in the office as he had for five years. Quiet and almost irritable. He needed his cup of coffee. Everyone knew not to talk to him until he had at least one cup of coffee. But there was something different about him today. Nobody could quite pin it down.
Finally a brave soul in the break room saw him and couldn’t contain himself any longer.
“How ya feelin’ today, Tom?” he asked.
Tom looked at him, coffee cup unsipped still in his hand, and then looked at the half-dozen people sitting around shooting the bull before the boss came in. Suddenly tremolo strings started playing from out of nowhere. Tom put his coffee cup down and everyone looked around amazed wondering where the music was coming from and Tom burst into song…
Tom looked directly at him, “Birds flyin’ high, you know how I feel.” He looked at another guy sitting down, “Sun up in the sky, you know how I feel,” he sang. He looked at Louise who always wore too much old lady perfume, “Breeze driftin’ by, you know how I feel,” He looked up at the ceiling to where the music seemed to be coming from, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life……for me.” He looked at Sara, an attractive woman, and his gaze pierced her and sent goosebumps rocketing up her arms. “And I’m feelin’ good.” The tremolo strings turned into a slow raunchy burlesque style big band, Sara instantly started blushing, shivers going up her spine, and he continued to sing the song.
Fish in the sea, you know how I feel,
River running free, you know how I feel,
Blossom on a tree, you know how I feel,
People filed in from all over the office wondering what was going on. Men looked at him as if he was crazy. Women looked at him as if he was Michael Buble.
When he finished the song, in grand fashion, everyone looked at him as a different man. Tom grabbed his coffee and began to walk out of the break room as if nothing had happened. Amazed, the guy who asked him how he was feeling said, “Geez, you have a good date last night or something?”
Tom stopped, put the coffee cup down again, and everyone held their breath waiting to see what was going to happen. 1960s big band music started playing, lots of brass, he spun around on his heels and started to sing another song again…
“How lucky can one guy be?
I kissed her and she kissed me.
Like the fella said, ‘Ain’t that a kick in the head?’
The room was completely black,
I hugged her and she hugged back.
Like the sailor said, quote, ‘Ain’t that a hole in the boat?’
Tom crooned all the women that had shown up. The men stood off to one side not believing a thing they were seeing. Tom was like a different man. Transformed into a crooner with a voice as smooth as velvet. Tom looked at Sara, the attractive woman he sang to from the first song, and gave her a sultry look with a crooked smile…
“She’s telling me we’ll be wed,
She’s picked out a king size bed.
I couldn’t feel any better or I’d be sick.
Tell me quick. Ain’t love a kick,
Oh tell me quick, Ain’t love a kick, in the head”
She smiled and blushed, as did many of the women there. Some fanned themselves with their hands. For a few minutes they all forgot they had husbands or boyfriends and they saw a young Dean Martin singing to them.
The song ended, the music from nowhere stopped and Tom turned around, grabbed his coffee and walked off as if nothing had happened. What no body saw was that as he rounded the corner, he had the wickedest seductive smile on his face.