The Trials of Miriam – Part Three

The Trials of Miriam – Part Dos


The Trials of Miriam – Part Trois

“This is taking forEVER!” Miriam impatiently said to the clerk as a long line of Englandish men stood waiting to buy their wives flowers after their business trips. One man in particular that she didn’t notice stood behind her. She didn’t notice him because, like her, he was an international spy too. His name was…Christopher.

“Go, Miriam! I’ll pay for the flowers.” Chris held up a wad of fivers and whipped two bills out and slammed them on the counter. “Go, gosh darnit!”

Miriam ran. She had to get to the Tube station before the next train left along the line to Piccadilly Circus where she would surely lose him in the crowd. She ran so fast she had a fleeting thought that she could have won a Gold for her country in track and field at the Olympics that were held here only months previous. Oh yeah, this takes place in 2012.

The train hadn’t arrived yet but she felt the warm air being forced out of the tube tunnel and heard the screeching of the train cars. She found her mark, whose name happened to be Mark and breathlessly walked up to him and handed him the flowers. Stunned and speechless and slightly embarrassed, he stammered a weak “Thank you” amongst all the Thinging Thespians who said a collective and slightly stereotypical homosexual sounding, “Awww”, in perfect harmony, as they boarded the train.

Still out of breath, Miriam turned and ran back to the flower counter where Chris was finally signing the credit card receipt refunding the amount, minus the exchange rate, and charging another fee for refunding the money back into American dollars. In the end she paid more for the flowers in banking fees than the flowers actually cost.

“So you found him I see.” Chris said observantly because she wasn’t carrying the flowers anymore.
“Only barely,” she said. “It had the effect I wanted. He was stunned and embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. I needlessly brought attention to myself which all good international spies mustn’t do, but that was exactly what he was expecting, so by doing the unexpected, he suspects and expects nothing to come of it. But, therein lies the beauty of the plan because now I have the upper hand of knowing what to expect.”

Chris took a moment to complete the loop of logic in his mind before proceeding. Once he did, he handed her some cash, “Here’s your change for the flowers. Let me know if you need any help on the case. I’ve been assigned by your boss as your Angel for this mission.”

Angels were created out of a need to protect important assets. They hung around in the rafters trailing the asset and protecting them from unforeseen and foreseen dangers. They were the second best in the Agency, the best being the assets themselves. But they were still pretty darn good. Most everybody owed their Angel a case of beer for pushing them out of the way of a speeding car or taking down an assassin in the middle of Times Square in broad daylight or pulling the emergency cord of an Amtrak as they sped off in Nebraska before the train hit a herd of deaf buffalo that couldn’t hear the train whistle and therefore wouldn’t get out of the way of the train…….stay tuned for more Trials of Miriam!!!!


The Trials of Miriam – Part Two (No, there is no Part One)

The Trials of Miriam – Part Dos

So tired of all the bickering she has to do between her and the thousands of insurance reps she must deal with on a business daily basis, Miriam decided she needed a holiday. But this was to be no ordinary holiday, no it was to be a working holiday. But you, dear reader, surely you must be wondering, “Why would she choose to have a working holiday if she’s trying to escape work?”
Ah, but therein lies the answer to the secret. Miriam and her eighteen brothers and sisters were international spies for the United States government. Their ethnic background of being half Cherokee, half Canadian, half Austrian, half Scottish and half Flemmish put them all in the perfect position to speak feather Indian, Canadian, Austrian and Scotlandish. In addition, Miriam knew Spanish and Pig Latin and each one of her eighteen brothers and sisters knew at least one other language besides those that they were born knowing, namely, feather Indian, Canadian, Austrian and Scotlandish.
On this particular adventure, Miriam took only a few of her eighteen brothers and sisters. Josiah and Caleb went with her as her personal body guards. Abbie also went because of her ability to speak a particular dialect of Scotlandish called Englandish. Their destination? London, England….*insert dramatic music… da da daaaaa*

Flash forward eight or nine hours, depending on how the jet stream is behaving, and we arrive at Heathrow in London. Miriam and her secret agent siblings make their way through the throngs of thespians that are their way to thing (this word, “thing”, is supposed to be “sing” pronounced with a lisp. The better to continue the alliteration. Please continue to use this rule in the rest of the sentence for words that don’t make sense.) for the queen and her thisters at the Three Thinging Theater Thespians Pub in thentral London.

They come up to a flower shop when Miriam decides she needs to buy flowers for the man she is trying to catch, she doesn’t know why she is trying to catch him, only that her government needs her in this darkest of political days to catch this man whom nobody seems to know who or what he did that would require such drastic measures as to call Secret Agent Miriam out of her mundane existence as an Insurance Collector in Tennessee and fly her and three eighteenths of her brothers and sisters to help her track down this most nefarious of plotters against the government.

Knowing that the previous paragraph was one ginormous run-on sentence, she also decides to send Caleb, Josiah and Abbie ahead to get to the hotel to set up headquarters. With so many decisions already made, she decides, once more, to pay for the flowers with a credit card, partially so she wouldn’t have to do the dollar/pound conversion and partially for the exceptional exchange rate her credit card company offered her. Needing to take the flowers directly to the man whom she is tracking but isn’t supposed to know she is tracking, she is in a hurry because he is expected to leave the Tube platform in exactly about 3 minutes. But the credit card company is having a most difficult time translating Englandish pounds into American dollars!

The Walking Let Go – Season 1 Episode 1 (Days Gone Bye) – Part 1

My friend, that I call “sister-friend” or “schwesterfreund” or “hermiga”, Miriam, is a bit squeamish when it comes to nasty, slimy, blood and guts and veins in your teeth sorts of things.  Like The Walking Dead on AMC.  Last year, I was telling her about the show and going into graphic detail when I took a look at her and noticed her face was pale and her skin clammy.  It was then that I apologized and continued the story, watering it down (very much) for her.  Every week I would give her a “Sum-Up” of what was happening because she actually got into the show through my descriptions because there was no way she would watch the show as long as there were zombies (bad guys) and people getting killed (let go) by bad buys that would eat them (beat them up).  This is opposed to “real bad guys” like the governor who “really beats people up”.  SO, without further ado, this series on my blog is dedicated to my wunderbar schwesterfreund, Miriam, and to all the others out there that don’t have the stomach for nastiness.

The story opens up on a literal crossroad, which is quite metaphoric and foreshadowy really because the characters are oft times at a crossroad of some kind.  Anyway, Rick, the main dude pulls up in a cop car because he’s a cop.  And there’s burnt out cars and stuff tipped over as if there were riots because the Cubs won the World Series.  So he gets a gas can out of the trunk and is going to the gas station to try and siphon some gas but the sign says “No Gas.”  It’s all quiet and spooky like and all you hear are the crickets and things blowing around.  Then you hear shuffling footsteps.  Not like a dance shuffling or LMFAO shuffling but like dragging your feet shuffling.  And Rick gets down on his knees and looks under the car and sees little feet shuffling around in little fuzzy slipper and the little something picks up a teddy bear and starts shuffling again.  Rick stands up and walks over and it’s a little girl but her back is to him now as she’s heading in a different direction.  He says “Little girl…don’t be afraid.  I’m a policeman.” which under normal circumstance would be sorta creepy but it’s creepy in a different way now.  So he repeats it and the little girl turns around and she’s let go and has turned into a bad guy.  So she makes the now familiar let go gurgling sound and starts to chase Rick who starts to run away and pulls out his shooter and really lets the girl go.  And that starts the now very familiar creepy music that starts the credits that continues the show.

The next part is a flashback.  It’s Rick and his cop partner Shane talking in the cop car.  They are talking about men and women.  And we come to find out that Rick and his wife Laurie are having some marital problems.  Could be like normal cop and wife marital problems but we don’t know.  Then they get a call over the cop radio about bad guys (real bad guys)and they fly to help out with the high speed chase.  They spread spike strips and wait.  So the bad guys come flying down the road and hit the spike stips and go flying.  I mean flipping and tumbling and rolling and they end up upside down in the field.  All the cops are pointing their guns at the car and a bad guy comes out and starts shooting at the cops.  They start shooting back and the bad guy shoots Rick, but it hits his bullet proof vest.  He goes down nonetheless and the other cops let the bad guy go.  Then another guy comes out and starts shooting at the cops and they let him go too.  They think that’s all the bad guys and Shane goes to help Rick and he says Laurie can’t know he got shot, like ever.  And just then a third bad guy gets out and really shoots Rick.  And the cops let the last bad guy go.  It’s not looking good for Rick.  The ambulance comes and then we see from Ricks point of view in the hospital and it’s fuzzy and grainy and choppy.  And Shane brings flowers.  Then he goes out and comes back like it’s only been a few seconds.  But nobody is around.  He calls out and no one answers.  Then he looks over and the flowers are dead.  How can that be?  He was only out for a little bit, right?  Nope.  He manages to get up and out of bed and walks around an abandoned hospital that’s pretty creepy. Lights are flickering and papers are on the floor and equipment turned over.  What in the world is going on?  He walks around the corner and looks through the windows of the door down the hallway and there is someone that has been beat up by the bad guys.  He freaks out a little and walks around and comes up to a door that’s chained shut and it says Don’t Open, Let Go inside.  And the doors start shaking and hands come through the cracks and you hear the telltale sound of let go people.  Now Rick is really freaking out.  He runs away into a pitch black staircase and uses a book of matches he found on the counter to see where he’s going.  He makes it to an emergency exit and walks outside into blinding sunlight.  And here he sees wrapped up really let go people.  Let go after let go.  He starts to really really panic now cause they are all over the place.  He stumbles out still in his hospital gown and it looks like a war zone.  Helicopters and army tanks and blowed up buildings.

He’s getting better at walking now and finds a bike with half a bad guy laying down nearby.  He picks up the bike and half a bad guy starts gurgling and crawling toward him trying to let him go.  He freaks out and eventually gets on the bike and goes away.  Then he goes home and calls out to his wife and nobody’s there.  He calls out to his son, Carl, and nobody answers.  And then he breaks down because he thinks they got let go.  He goes outside and sits on the steps and sees a bad guy walking toward him but he doesn’t do anything. Then you see a person behind Rick but you don’t know if it’s a good guy or a bad guy.  He makes a noise and then next thing you see is Rick being hit in the head with shovel!  Ouch!  It’s a little black kid and he screams out to his dad that he got one.  Rick thinks it’s Carl cause he’s emotional and he just got hit in the head with a shovel.  Then the kids dad walks up to the bad guy and lets him go before coming up to his kid and Rick.  The guy points a gun at Rick and asks what his wound is.  Rick isn’t quite sure what’s going on still probably because of shock and probably because he got hit in the head by a shovel and doesn’t say anything.  Then the guy cocks his gun and says that he will let Rick go if he doesn’t answer.  Then Rick passes out.

That’s all for today.  Part 2 of Episode 1 will probably come tomorrow.  But don’t hold your breath cause that would be a long time to hold your breath.